A private haven is heavenly.

As mentioned before, I ended up sharing the bed with my mom that first night and the next night too. That first night, she’d mentioned that the room above the garage, which is separate from the house and half a floor above, was recently renovated and a bathroom was newly built with it. I could move in there and live there if I wanted or I could stay with her. If I moved into that room, I’d still go downstairs for meals but I could live somewhat independently and come and go as I please. I jumped at the chance but couldn’t move in until Sunday night because it and its bathroom had to be dusted, mopped, and the bed sheets cleaned and changed as well. Also, locks had to be placed on the inside front door as well as the bathroom door on both sides, and a mosquito net set up around the bed. Once the room was cleaned, and prepared, I moved my things in there. I still don’t have a wardrobe or dresser so I’m still living out of bags and suitcases. This is nothing new for me since I’d been doing that the past two years in the states.

My room has a queen-size bed with beautiful black and black gold bed frames, headboard, and footboard. It has large windows on two sides of the room, one facing the driveway down to the gated entryway, and the other on its left facing the School of Dentistry building. The windows have metal frames and nets to keep bugs and burglars out. The red and gold curtains running down to the bottom have been there since the renovations, and a shower was installed in the bathroom.

I can hear chitchat coming from the Dentistry canteen on the ground floor while I’m in here. If I keep the bathroom window and door open, a beautiful breeze flows straight through one bedroom window and out the bathroom window…sweet when it’s the only way I get any air, since blackouts are so common. All lights and the fan in my room are all electric and when the power goes out…well, you get the idea.

I think of myself as more open-minded and more liberal than everyone around me. That leaves me feeling like more of an outsider among my immediate family. Maybe I won’t feel as much around my other cousins. I won’t know until I meet them.

I ended up spending more time in my room than in the house, though I’d go down for meals and to hang out with my family. The fact is, I feel trapped but incapable of doing anything on my own. Everything’s so entirely different than it was in the states that I have trouble with the littlest things, from just knowing what to say to how to say it, what to not say, how not to say it, what non-verbal communication is appropriate and what’s not, and what to do and how to do it, and what not to do, just the littlest things.

It’s not that I’m not getting the hang of it, but it’s that I try to stay true to myself, to who and how I am. In a way, I am trying to remain honest, but to adjust and get along with the society in which I’ll live, I have to change some things about myself or tweak them instead. All I can do is try to remain coolheaded and compromising. It’s hard but I got to do what I got to do to get through these two years and more so, to just get along with everyone.